Over the past number of weeks we have looked at what the Bible has to say about parenting.

We will conclude looking at some of the crimes, we as parents can be guilty of.

We want to look at the negative feature in this verse, ‘provoke not your children.’

Provoke here means to embitter, to stir up, to stimulate.

Look at the result, "lest they be discouraged."

Christian parents have a wonderful advantage; firstly we are indwelt by the spirit of God and have his leading.

Secondly we have a wonderful example of our father which art in heaven. We see how he treats us as his children; we have the perfect role model to follow.

We want to look at some crimes we could commit against our children, that which would provoke them or discourage them.

I have examined much work on this subject and there are so many different ways we can provoke our children. I have selected a few from the data I have examined.

Spoil your children, give them everything they want, pick up all they drop. Be at their beck and call. Satisfy every whim. Don’t give them any chores unless you pay them for it.

Some children are treated this way and are spoiled terribly. It seems that the children rule the roost so to speak.

Let us consider our heavenly father.

Does our heavenly father always give us what we want? No but he always gives us what we need.

If we pander to ever whim of our children they will grow up with a false conception about life. They will think that the world owes them something.

This doesn’t mean that at times we don’t give our children that something extra special, again what does the Lord do for us?

That is making a difference between our children. Nothing will provoke a child, discourage them more than finding favouritism from their parents.

The same was true in Jacob’s home. What disaster it brought.

Look again at the example of our heavenly father.

Does the Lord treat one of his children one way and another in a different manner?

How sad it is when we break our promises to our children. I can’t look at your work now but I will look at it later. A little child’s asks for something that is so big to him and you fob him or her off with a promise to do something about it. Alas you forget you fail to keep your promise.

To the child this is a breach of confidence, a breach of trust.

Many times we do this inadvertently, unintentionally but we need to keep our promises to our children.

Again what about our heavenly father, does he keep his promises?

Do we find him fobbing us off, and then letting us down?

Are the promises of God certain?

Psalm 77:8 Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth his promise fail for evermore?

We are considering some ways as Christian parents can provoke our children. Some ways in which we can have an influence over their lives that will not be beneficial.

I am thinking of parents squabbling in front of their children.

The word contention here means, fussing, nagging and brawling. The Lord mentions this in the same verse as a foolish son. Is a connection implied?

If our children are exposed to continual barging among parents it could have untold damage upon them. How they need to see love and forgiveness in operation.

David and Michal have this very public argument, how it would effect children.

Would the trinity have such arguments?

What example do we see in the heavenly father?

Squabbling in front of the children will produce insecure children. How much confidence and security would we feel in a triune God? Who could not agree?

Again just picking out some simple thoughts from the word of God, things that would provoke our children.

Children of Christian parents can spot hypocrisy at a mile off.

At home we have the greatest test of our testimony. When we are relaxed, when the guard is down. What sort of an example does our children see?

Someone has said by 13 children don’t want to find inconsistencies in their parents, after thirteen they look for as many as possible.

Dads- as the spiritual leader do they see you take he initiative in prayer and devotion in the home?

• Do your children see you being honest with the world in all your dealings?

• Do they see parents who without hesitation make pleasing the Lord their number one concern?

• Do they sense that your primary concern for them is that they might become believers in the Lord Jesus Christ?

• Do they hear you speak often about the things of the Lord?

• Do our children know that this book is important in our lives?

• Do they know that prayer is essential?

• What do our children see in us?

There are two extremes that we as parents can reach.

Children come to us and we immediately lambaste them. We don’t even listen. We prejudge their motives and usually we get it all wrong.

When we come to our heavenly father, does he listen; does he show us patience and understanding?

We can be blind to our children’s faults.

Eli was such a father; everybody else knew what his sons were like. Eli seemed to turn a blind eye.

Eli’s reaction was so pathetic.

What did God say?

1 Samuel 2:29 Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering, which I have commanded in my habitation; and honourest thy sons above me, to make yourselves fat with the chiefest of all the offerings of Israel my people?

Eli failed to see the fault in his own sons and subsequently failed to deal with it.

Will he work through our consciences to bring us to confession and repentance or will he let us go unhindered, unrebuked and unchastened?

We all have good eyes in spotting faults in other children; sometime we fail to be sensible when it comes to our own.

We could provoke and discourage our children by failing to see and deal with faults or by finding too many that are not even there.

One of the most valuable sacrifices we could make for our children is time.

In the business of life we can find no time for our children, that is any quality time. How must they feel when they cannot find a spot in our diary?

How must they feel when so many things seem to push them out?

I remember a farmer friend saying to me, no man ever dying said, "I wish I had spent more time in the office."

Today we have so called ‘latch key kids’ who never find their parents at home, never seem have to have time with mum and dad.

1 Peter 3:12 For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.

Remember Elijah on Mount Carmel, how he mocked the Baal worshippers.

Elijah said, "He doesn’t have time for you right now."

Praise God our heavenly father is not like that.

I wonder as parents who are we more like?

I am not talking about giving them a hug. I am thinking about putting them under too much pressure, making demands upon them that are unrealistic and unfair.

Perhaps school, perhaps sport or perhaps playing a musical instrument.

We have the comparing with other child situation, always making our children feel inferior, "Come on Jimmy you can do it, Mary is doing so much better!"

Our heavenly father knows us, he knows what we are capable of. We are all different with different qualities and gifts.

We could, produce children with an inferiority complex, always squeezing them, pressurising them to do better, to achieve more, to reach for goals that are not within their grasp.

Disappointments, discouragement and deflation will be the order of the day.

Do we put our children under undue pressure?

Are we more concerned what others will think?

One of the curses of the eleven plus exam is the comparison factor, especially among relations.

There are many other ways we could provoke our children.

There are no perfect parents. All of us will make mistakes. I am not setting unattainable goals. This is more like advice based on the fatherhood of God, what an example we have.

• I would love my wife more in front of my children.

• I would do more encouraging and bestow more praise.

We cannot do it all over again, let’s do it well now.

I hope these studies will be a benefit to us all. I thank God for all the Christian parents. I know that like myself you want what is best for your children. I have no doubt that you love them dearly.

Sometimes we say, "I want them to have what I never had." Let's give them what we had, the time, care, attention and love of our parents.